Bang. Bang. Bang. The cannon seems as if its lost control and sounds as it did in the first few minutes of the Hunger Games. Oh no. Oh no. What is happening? What evil, horrid thing did the game maker think of to kill more lives? Whatever it is, I am ready. With my new attitude and recently sharpened swords, I climb down my tree and start to walk ever so slowly through the dense, tropical forest. Out of nowhere a mist sprays my back while I hear a rumble that turns into a faint roar. Then, I see it. Water rushing toward me at gosh knows what speed. A wave about two mountains high is racing towards me and I only have a few seconds to think about my next move. I swiftly run as fast as I can until I find the highest tree near me. Using my swords as stakes, I stab the tree and climb my way up it faster than I have ever climbed.
Holding on for dear life, the humungous and deathly wave slaps my back dead on like shooting a bull’s eye and I fall into the massive water, swirling and swirling around. Summersault after summersault, I think to myself, you can NOT die like this. You can NOT have the game maker win, not this match at least. I swim and I swim, not knowing which direction I am swimming or even how deep the rushing water is. At last I gasp for air as I come up from the water. Coughing and choking on water I grab ahold of a patch of rocks and pull my whole body out of the water. I am alive. Bang. Bang. Two more are dead as I lay face up smiling at the sun shining down on me. It’s all over, it’s all over.
I loved this piece! I think you did a great job describing the tsunami. I really liked the sentence where you said “Holding on for dear life, the humungous and deathly wave slaps my back dead on like shooting a bull’s eye and I fall into the massive water, swirling and swirling around”, it made me really feel like I was in the Hunger Games. Good job!
This was well written, I liked the details about how you swam. One thing I thought you could improve is to transition slower into a new section of what your talking about because in this sentence; “What evil, horrid thing did the game maker think of to kill more lives? Whatever it is, I am ready. With my new attitude and recently sharpened swords, I climb down my tree and start to walk ever so slowly through the dense, tropical forest.” You talk about what have the GameMakers done to kill you and than all the sudden you talk about your new attitude. So next post have smoother transitions.
This was very intense and drama-filled, and well written. I enjoyed reading it. The part where you said, “At last I gasp for air as I come up from the water. Coughing and choking on water I grab ahold of a patch of rocks and pull my whole body out of the water.” Seemed very repetative. You said the word water about 3 times in close proximity to each other, and it seemed a bit overused. But besides that it was very good.
Well done!
🙂