The echoes of different tributes’ screams bouncing off the arena walls startle me to the point where I cannot sleep. Cannon after cannon, I feel more relieved, yet even more frightened of the situation I am in. An hour passes, yet it seems like forever that I have been sitting up in this tree. All of a sudden, I hear the leaves crackling under me. Breath, Tammy. Breath. As I unleash my sword, I see who it is, and smile so wide, that my mouth seems to come off my face. Roger! It’s really him! We hug with much passion and as I look into my best friend’s beautiful eyes, I shed a tear. Now that I have found Roger, we can start our alliance and then I will be able to win the Hunger Games.
As the arena becomes darker by the minute, Roger decides to find some food for both of us to eat. It’s been about an hour since Roger has gone to catch some food. No cannons have gone off so that is a good sign. Hearing the sound of crunching leaves, I climb down from the tree, thinking Roger is back from hunting. As I look around, no one is near me. I am confused. Where’s Roger? I yell out his name and I turn around to see my life flash before my eyes. To my horror, Roger has stolen someone’s knife and has just thrust it at me. Luckily, I still have my sword in my hand and I jab him in the throat and see him fall to my feet. The cannon goes off and I start to sob. Why did Roger turn on me? We were best friends. I don’t understand. Confused and alone, I climb back up my tree, wipe my tears, cuddle my swords, and drift to sleep.
Lizzy-
I thought this was a very good piece, however the entire thing was pretty abrupt. Within three sentences, you’ve wondered about your friend, and then killed him it seems! I did like the descriptiveness of your inner conflict in the beginning about the cannons, but once again the entire thing easily could have been much more descriptive.
You had me hooked right away with that attention getter. It made me really want to read more about how the story is going to continue. But I thought that the idea that you were so happy to see roger and ended up killing him was a bit odd. Were you like faking the idea of being friends with him? Tammy Cottonhead is an evil girl. But I thought that the sensory detail was amazing. I can’t wait to read the next one. Keep up the good work.
I really liked your attention getter, It grabbed my attention instantly. I thought that the way everything happened was in a very interesting way. I liked your sensory details in this post. I thought you did a great job on this post.